Hi (:
Welcome to my ranting place
Living a moderate life, but awfully happy & contented
Naturally, life comes with problems, because life without problems, is not a life.
But, FaIrYTaLe.
♥ Iqah a.k.a.

Dutch Lady





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at 4:17 PM

Counting sheeeps in my sleeep.

Couldn't sleep the whole nyt. And now my head is spinning. Whats' worst, when my dark circle, is getting darker! That I could almost see a visible semi-circle line underneath my eyes. Darn!

I have no idea why. My mind was just so active and I was trying to close my eyes shut hardly. And it keeps springing open. O_O

So this is what I could remember that was going havoc in my mind. Nak kate baru kene talak, sampai takle tdo,tkde.. aku pon tak tau la kenape..

. I need pyjamas. Thought of getting 3 cheap2 pyjamas.

. I need more sopan clothes. Thought of getting a few long tops and a pair of light colored pants.

. I want to get a hair cut! Its getting very long and heavy, and was thinking of what style to get. Not that it will make any difference if its botak, cause no one will know.

. I was thinking, why my aunt suddenly came and gave ME a marble cake that she had baked. hmmm... Pelik tapi benar. Usually when I compliment things/food or whatever she made she never volunteered to do it for me or anything like that, even if have, she would forget all about it later. So... I don't know. Didn't get a chance to thank her personally for that small but much appreciated gesture.

. I was thinking of going trekking or morning swim or jog weekly to get those weight off my thighs! It's been there since primary days.

. I was thinking of participating the BH internship. But, I need a super polish up on my Malay language. And was thinking of ways I could do. Like writing short stories and sending it to BH and get feedbacks and ways I could improve. (I'm sure theres gonna be a loooooooot by now.) And give an anonomous identity. Or I could send them over for marking and reviews to my secondary school teacher but I doubt they even have time with their tight schedule. And I was thinking of doing up a list of titles of which I could write on. One that I could think of is ' Hanya Kerna Aku Seorang Perempuan...' ('Just because I'm a Girl...') Why that title? Wait till I write a book out of it, wanna know, be the first to buy aits? :) And you can have my autograph on it ;) Haha berangan,,,

. I was thinking of the number of years I have to myself, before I'll be committing myself into the biggest life commitment; marriage. Not that I so gatal want to get married already. But I was trying to gauge how long more I have to get myself fully prepared, as a person, my inner character, and my duty as a Muslimah. How much more time I have to try to change myself into a better person in every other ways and also physical wise. And a list of so many things I have to change. I have taken the first few steps. And I shall need to mara (move forward) not stop. Small steps, but consistently.

Its just a heavy responsibility to me, which now, I dont think Im even half prepared. I can't imagine others who can think so lightly of it. I mean cmon, everythings getting rocket high, when it comes to the next generation, my kids' time, how much expensive will the cost of living gets? I pity my generation and I pity the generation thereafter. I need to protect them and secure a decent life for them. Having a normal working job is fine but how much can I save to put aside for my family in future? I'm not gonna be supporting only one future family. Not even two but THREE babe! How come Three?Your family-to-be, your existing family(if you're the eldset like I am), and your spouse's family. Have these people who thinks so lightly and easy of marriage thought over or even STOP to think of this? Definitely NOT! I guess what runs in their mind was just to live off day by day. Darn guys, you think we are living in the 'polis pakai seluar pendek' kind of era isit? U think we living in kampong is it? Where you dont need so much money, and can just tanam kacang behind your hut to feed on it is it? Cmon la..... They still can say, 'Do you know that my dad only start off with just a few hundred dollar when he first got married? If he can why not us?' *Hard smack on the forehead. Shake head* And this comes from a guy older than I am. Sadly true. A guy whose supposed to be the pillar and the main support of the family. Who takes it very easy peasy. Another point is, I always thought a 2 year gap is sufficient enough for men to be of the same level of maturity with women 2 years younger, Proves NOT! Who in this generation would feel secure? Unless this is Saloma P Ramlee era, canla.. Now? who would gladly want ? Yang shot gun tu don't include la, dat one terdesak.. And a total different point. I guess u can only find girls willing to get married off at such a young age, with a narrow-minded who thinks of marriage so lightly, only at kampung. Even kampung girls now are more educated and can think.

Bleargh! Luckily I didn't got myself trapped in it so fast. Imagine me, getting married now, WHILE SCHOOLING, guess that big part was amissed, and getting PREGNANT next year. @_@ don't even dare to think about it.

To me, I think its important to serve well your responsibility first as a muslim, then a child, then an elder sister after which then you can get prepared to take the responsibility of a wife or husband. Which will then change to be a responsibility of a parent. Which I think is the MOST heaviest. Responsibilities change throughout our lives. Are YOU(those who think lightly of marriage) READY for that?

Sometimes its scary to find the supposedly head of family-to-be taking so lightly and you feel its better to be on your own. Not once, did I thought to myself of adopting babies and live with it by myself and not getting a man involved. I know I can't expect a perfect man. Not boys . But at least one that can make me feel secure.

Ok enough said on this point. Move on to next.

. I was thinking of working during my hols. I already found a kaki, Wani who'd also wanna work. Hmm.. maybe BACK to IRAS? Nyeahaha.. but different department la... Don't want concen already. But I was thinking of getting internship.. hmm.. Or maybe I MAY or MAY NOT be going over to care for my expecting new aunt and her soon-to-born baby during my hols. Act, I'm more excited on the baby part. Muahahha! But yet to be confirmed as of now.

HOw many points are there already?

. I was thinking to START my ass off on revision! URgh. And doing up a schedule and not wasting my bloody time. No I don't go out often nowadays. Just at home and rot my time away. Now that raya is gonna be over, I have no excuse not to start. Hell, someone push me!

. One of the reason I thought that caused me a sleepless night, was the look of my dad. hmmm.. I got home and he was using the pc. I don't know maybe he'd browse thru the latest pic folder I left in the desktop. It was nothing actually, just pics of the open house. But I was wondering if he may have thoughts on the few pics that Afizah cropped leaving 'only the two of us' (Sounds familiar fiza? hehe.) Hmm.. he may still be wondering what had happened. Hmm Im so sorry not to enlightened him. But as far as I can guess ,he should have already known about it. But no further details. I think one day.. one fine day, which takes forever to come.. I shall sit and have a long talk with him. nyehahaha just thinking of it sent me chills down my spine.

There you go! 10 points!

Ok latest news I just recieved, from mum. My sister pengsan! And called to ask dad to fetch. What the hell? Tulah cari penyakit tak tau nak makan.. Mum was nagging she not eating much even lunch at work not hvg proper meals just some small2 snacks. At home also hardly eat. Opss I better not let mum know that I too didn't eat any meals in school just drink. Muahaha.. At home sometimes i'll eat very small kids' serving or not at all and can feel not hungry the whole day. I can even forget to eat la sehh. haha. Lols.

ANd mum just called ask me to fetch my sis! Gosh! What if later I also pengsan half way too? Haha cant imagine that whole commotion if it really happen. Da la tak tidor satu malam aku. Sorry dad, couldn't! Cant risk it. Somore they know I'm the Queen of PENGSAN. So nyealah..

K why am I writing sooo long a post. Its because, I hope I can get tired and fall asleep after this! Which now I don't feel its working. WAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHH! HELP!

And there's no one in msn now that can entertain me with boring stories so I could get bored and tired and eventually fall asleep. Haha k I don't have to repeat that again.

Oh just now at woodlands mrt, I think I saw Ms Humairah at the platform. I couldn't be wrong. She was dark, wearing skirt and when I was nearing to walk pass her, she turned to face the pillar, it's just so her to try to hide her face whenever she sees any of us. When she's alone of course Ahah! Whatever.

Oh gosh, sumone is online. -_- The last person I want to talk to. Oh wells, u better don't start cos I'm already in a cranky mood not getting any sleep! HAH!

Ok So i'm still not sleepy? What shall I do? hmm.. kla let me continue.. wahahaha! Though I dunno if any one would bother to read it till the very last fullstop.

K so I tried to do 30 crunches before sleeping, drink hot water, eat two breads listening to the whole list of songs in my mp3 until it replayed the first track again and nothing works!!!!

Aaaahhh I havent pay off my bills! DArn. Asik luper jer.

Ok I'm seeing stars now.

I'll try to get some sleep.


Ps: I just slapped myself for replying quite rudely to my dad. he had just asked, What are doing(writing)? For your school ah?

I: No,

Dad: Then why are you not resting and do stuffs that's not important? LAter u tired how?

I: Not sleepyyy... (abit draggy) I thought he was saying it's because I wasted time on pc and not getting any rest for the night. And it just slipped out of my mouth and replied like that. CRANKY, very bad! When I thought back, I then thought he must have learned from mum that I couldn't sleep last night and was asking why Im not resting now instead on the pc for non-important stuff? Eventhough his way of asking sesungguhnye mendatangkan kemarahan dan meguji kesabaran, Gosh! What was I thinking man? Feel doubly bad. Last night's look still not yet vanished and now some thing to add on. Now u think I can fall back to sleep? Stupid me.