Hi (:
Welcome to my ranting place
Living a moderate life, but awfully happy & contented
Naturally, life comes with problems, because life without problems, is not a life.
But, FaIrYTaLe.
♥ Iqah a.k.a.

Dutch Lady





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at 5:37 AM


I dunno why i reacted lyk dat.. Not once, but twice! When u get the chance, u missed it. Once u lose it, then u'll regret it.. Sumtyms i just dun understand myself..Sumtyms my reactions are so contradicting from what i felt & tink..

When he's not there, u'd b searching for him. Hoping, hoping & hoping.. When u knw he's around, u're excited. When he's ryt there in front of u... ??? There goes ur opportunity.. I still dun get it..Y..? Y did i throw the chance away? Nervous?..am i really nervous still?.. Scared?..Scared of wat??! I just so hate myself for reacting contradictingly.

Less than 1 minute, once i turn away, i felt sooo bad! Only then, i will ask myself y didnt i go up to u or stay longer...? Y?Y?Y? No use regretting..

I always had this problem since last tym. Not knowing how to react. Do a different thing from what i felt. I was so confused at myself especially before.. Luckily its not that bad now.. Sumtyms either i would over-react or under react. lyk WTH ryt? Is it part of growing up? In search for ur own identity?

Well, i dun expect ppl to understand me. How would they,when I dun understand myself? I've always seems to be finding my own identity, understanding myself better.. Somehow i do gt it, to an extent. Still to a small extent, there are sum remainings for me to find out N for u to know..





at 5:45 AM




at 5:09 AM




at 4:23 AM

What does it feels like to be missing sumone terribly yet, you cant see them?

The feeling sux to max.

Ryt now, no one's home. My family went johor from morn till nyt. My sis went out. Im damn bored. Im missing to the max. Its so empty. Im so depressed. Im going out. Not cmg back till tml morning.& dun sound to care. Im trying to stop it from rolling. It just did. I din knw y. Im such a crybaby! Ok.. cool. relax.. I still m going out. I wont disturb ur peace. Dont worry. U'll be fine. U will do just fine. Of course u will. Who m i to coz a big dif to u? Im going out. Big deal huh? I have to stop hoping for unexpected. Stop dreaming. Stop aiming too high. Cos it all will bring me down. Stop Dreaming Gal!! I can still stand on my own feet. Of course i can! I've been doing it all this while.

Im gonna stop all this ryt now! If only i had the will to.. Somebody save me...


at 7:28 AM

Just came back from climbing. Its been so long since i've stepped into the rock wall area. Anyway, it was fine. I only get to climb de 1st wall..Fortunately to the top..Phew..!hehe..

Im missing that soul kinda terribly.. I hope he'll be out by this week.. Be strong okies?

Anw, watever i had posted now or earlier are what I felt & thought. Had no intention or watsoever to shoot any1. But if it hit u, then apologies. Im actualli sick of this prolonged problem. So if u felt dissapointed or ashamed or watever u called it, by all means, get the hell out of here. I never asked u to stay. Now u can call me heartless. n flush down the toilet bowl . I have long been able to accept ur gone from my lyf. Wats de point of being a 'friend' n not understanding each other. n i cant stand u. U call ur self my friend when u listen to what others say & easily being manipulated til u called me, Ur FRIEND, that name!! im sure u rmb. or u only rmb all the good things u said?

Once, u use de f- word on me & its still never been erased till now. U asked me to try to understand, n since we're frens for 'long', that i should take everything wen ur angry. Well gal, *Bullshit!* As far as my conscious is clear, i've never use a single vulgarities on u despite hw angry i m. I hate people throwing their anger on other innocent souls. Try saying it on other gd frens. If they can take it, good for u. But certainly not me. I've tolerated enuf. So go find sumone whom u can throw it to. Maybe to ur boyfriend. Say it to his face whenever ur angry.

U even had kept from me about that sumtings going on btwn u & our 'friend'. Sumone whom u just got to know.. u prefer not to let me know. Ended up getting fooled by him. Its not that i want to bring these matter up again. But i just want to bring out a point from these. You easily trusted them more than me. So please let me know, where is it that u have given me that 'trust'. Please show me when is it done properly before u could even flush it down the toilet bowl. I can go on forever. But i just dun wanna waste my tym on this s$%#. (now im using vulgarities.)

Beginning of school was fine. went out to Novena after school to celebrate Ee Wei's Belated Belated burfdae..Haha.. Me & ayu treated her Pizza Hut. N s usual, i din finish my dish.Wat a waste!

Thats all for now..Im tired.Gonna slip now..Good nytz to all..Sweet dreamz to u dear..


at 7:37 AM

Tomorrow schooooool! He's still in there..Haiz..cepatla baik dear..

This will be my last sem, insya'allah.. Its soo fast. N let me see what i've learnt thoughout my poly lyf.. Hmm.. I've known alot of interesting people..Met alot of friends. I realised that those friends whom i known for so long, that we dont rili understand each other. And had put up w them and had reached to a limit whereby i could say 'Goodbye'. I still cherish the good moments we had before..I only dun lyk to be forced.U may not feel that u r forcing, but i just cant stand the way u say it. It had came to a point where i just cant stand whatever u said or do. So its better off this way.. I know im not s good s u. I know i've hurt u too..Im sorry..But i just cant stand u & ur BIG ego. I know u want to help me. In a good way. But thats totally not the ryt way to do it. Instead, u r making me to be worse! Ok cut the crap here. Dun ask whom im refering to.

Sumtyms, its not the quantity that counts,but thew quality. From a whole big number of them i've known, downsize to a number who are still w me. Those are the ones im very comfy with..and can get along very well.. Though sumtyms i may crap alotz, sorri guys, for putting up w all that..

Adventure Club was fun. I din realise i love adventure until im here in NYP! in my former school, im only interested in arts..Expressing thru arts, drawing, painting, designing & whatever thats got to do with arts. I really have got all the patience in the world to draw a still lyf object wif all the small details on it.. Very careful n teliti when doing it.. I do have passion in it & i wish i could enrol myself in Nafa of La Salle.. Only that the cost that matters. Back in sec school days, i love performing arts. Was in the Stage arts. Lots of different kinds of dance i had once performed throughout 4 years in OPSS.

On top of all that, i had found sumting precious I never tot it was. Until i met, i knew , got closer, i realise.. You're the one.. My hero..
Miz u so much.. Get well soon alrytz?
I will always pray the best for u..


at 7:47 AM

Im having a headache after wearing the new specs I bought. My esmatism(correct spelling or not?Lols.double vision) is very HIGH! Anyway, went to Century Square after visiting him at the hosp, to collect it alone. My dear Ayu din reply or return my call. Oh makcik, pakai pager pon baik.. hehe..

Went to accompany him at hospital today. But went there in the afternoon only. Actually i had wanted to come in the morning lyk always but his darling & him asked me to rest at home. Cos i had stayed from morn till night the previous days.. But I just cant sit still at home knowing he's over there.. So i decided to come just for a while to visit him, about 3 hours before i left for Tampines.

Alhamdulillah.. There has been quite an improvement in his condition. 90% of the sum kind of air that had escaped from his lung, has been sucked out. There was a hole in his right lung which caused sum air from inside to escape and fill in the rib cage. It makes the lung to compress and thus difficult and painful everytym he breathe in & out. It has no causes to this. Unfortunately,the lung burst can happen to those that are tall & thin. Thats what the doctor said. I just hope u will have a speedy recovery..

Yesterday was another happy moment for me.. Not because of his condition, but I gt to communicate wif his darling. Mungkin apa yang terjadi, ada hikmahnya.. Alhamdulillah.. My parents had been understanding & quite supporting too.. Thank you..




at 7:02 AM

My dearest Azman is being hospitalized. He keeps complaining of having chest pain until his back, everyime he breathe, on Friday nyt, after he came back from camp at Ubin.Yesterday, we were hvg hari raya outing wif my sec.mates & he was wif me. Only after 2 houses, we left & went straight to tan tock seng hospital to do a check up. Coz he was panting wen we walk at a slightly fast pace, complaining abt his chest pain.He din said it everytym,but he would be pressing against his chest & i could see it from his face.So how to do training in camp??

At 6p.m. we reached there.And so this was our 2nd visit there, him doing a check up. We followed all the procedures. The nurse asked if he wants a wheelchair, I looked at him, he looked at me. At first i wanted to laugh at the tot of pushing him on a wheelchair cos he doesnt look THAT physically serious . I guess he wanted to laugh s well when he said ''No need" to the nurse. He was being x-rayed. We waited again for the result. When his name was being called for the third tym, one of the nurses gt him a movable bed and asked him to lie on it. He was reluctant at first but then abide wif it & lie down in his baju kurung. The doctor came out w the x-ray film, showed him n explained to him. I saw it from nearby, a few metres away. I saw his right lung was smaller and out of shape compared to the left one. And so it was confirmed he had a compressed lungs. He still could tell the doctor, "But i need to get back to camp tonyt,".. The doctor said"This is serious,you can still joke abt it? This one confirm u will have to be warded" Thats all I heard & ryt after that, he was being pushed in an emergency room. Before that, I could only see him signaling to me to call his mum. I was blank for a minute. Still cant believe it. The family was informed..They came and we waited there until 10 plus after he was being operated & sent to ward.

Earli in the morning today, i reached there at 9.30.a.m. (Shut up. Dun ask y so earli) Cos im always earli..wahahaha! Stayed there until 7 plus. His brother sent me home along wif his younger bro n his fiancee.
I wish I could stay by ur side throughout..

I hope you will recover fast dear..Cant bear to c u in pain..
And please, stop worrying about other things, ur camp and me. Im perfectly fine & green in health. Its u that im worried for..Just concentrate on ur recovery. Ok syg?

.:The mouth silent. The heart talks:.

I know she is important to u. I know she means the world to u. And i have nuting to blame her. I know I dont have to take it too hard. I can try my best to swallow them up, pretend I dunno or hear them,or whatsoever. But the fact that she meant everything she said,THAT hurts me alot.. It may not be direct.. But its simply easi to understand the meaning behind it. So much things said that even the slightest thing, is hurtful. Tried to hold back all the tears, for u.. Tried to hide away the pain, from u.. I know u could see it in my eyes. & i couldnt lie.. I hold no hopes. Just accepting fate, the Qada' & Qadar of lyf.. I dun want to put in any hopes even though i know deep down inside me, I am. And I know deep down inside u, how much u want everything fixed nicely into pieces.. Insya'allah.. I will only do my best and will accept watever that comes. Even though I cant, i will make myself to accept it.. Insya'allah..

I miss you... Good night..